Christian Grey versus Edward Cullen: who is more redeemable?

i am concluding my fifty shades commentary articles from today and i am extremely happy about it. in this process i realized that i may be not the most hilarious writer on the block-there are plenty of those around -but i do loved discovering new websites to see what kind of things they found funny. i laughed so hard, especially redlemonade and badbooksgoodtimes and there are many more( seriously just google “fifty shades of grey blog” and by page 4 on-wards you will find awesome funnies! my dream to reach there at least.sigh!)


i decide to tackle the most controversial and most debated aspect of this series in itself-Christian Grey. doing my bit of research psychologists, blog writers, general review writers and many more are divided into faction of either they hate him , is a harmful character to romantically idolize him or they idolize him anyway, usually into something which he is not. this was more prominent when e l James released her fourth in the series Grey ( fifty shades re-imagined from christian’s POV) when most of the reviewers were perplexed. they could not find the “controlling’, “alluring”, “domineering” personality they were looking for.many who hate the series and despise christian grey are satisfied to see that they have plenty of material to justify christian is “psychopath”, “sociopath”, “self-centered”, “domineering”(in a bad way, not the sexy time one) and so on and so forth. seriously, i am still baffled on how did they reached the”psycho” conclusion 😛 , the rest i can still understand.

it is true, christian grey is a domineering, sexist, hermit, disturbed , abusive, self-loathing and misguided fella, a very misguided fella. i will explain why. reading and re-reading this book, i feel the reasons of his behavior are much more articulate and relatable than the ones from whom this character  took root from: Edward Cullen.

to understand christian grey, we have to understand the basic underline of Edward Cullen created by Stephanie Meyer. fifty shades series, after all started off as a fan-fiction of twilight. knowing what i know of midnight sun and twilight series, Edward Cullen is equally domineering and even more abusive if you could believe it. and if the creation of Katherine Kavanaugh could be relied upon, e l James is completely aware of these traits.

  • “I think that is one huge coincidence, Ana. You don’t think he was there to see you?”
  •  “Ana, there’s something about him.” Her tone is full of warning. “He’s gorgeous, I agree, but I think he’s dangerous. Especially to someone like you.”
  • “I’m glad you’re back in one piece. There’s something about Christian,” [kate] adds quietly, apologetically. I give her a small, reassuring smile – all the while thinking… How the hell does she know?”
  • “This is next-generation tech.” She raises her eyebrows at me. “Most women get flowers or maybe jewelry,”[ referring to christian sending computer for ana’s BDSM research.
  • . “Are you going to come and help Ana with the move?” Her eyes flash. She’s challenging me[christian that is.]
  • “Ana, if he’s a jerk with commitment issues, dump him. Though I don’t really understand his commitment issues
  • “Grey – your cards are marked,”
e l James is completely aware that her fan-fic creation is a nut-case and nothing to be emulative about but i suspect that her clumsy editing did not make that clear and hence, when she feels people would understand, they don’t because she is herself is unaware that the tone of her novel oscillates between comedy and sarcasm to outright isolated instances of serious reflection on issues of consent and love. so you can never be sure that Anastasia is being sarcastic or exaggerating or serious or comic.keeping both factors in mind, lets us delve on what is Christian and why is he in a way much better character written than Edward Cullen.
there can be no debate that Edward Cullen looks to be swoon-worthy to half the population of teenagers in the world. i mean a girl like Bella whose parental attention for love is being prioritized according to their needs, would no wonder fall for a guy who seems to lavish his every attention and energy on her and so does his family. looking at the crux summary, it does not sound as romantic as we like to is it? even at the of 15 i was aware while reading it that feeling addicted to so much attention from her boyfriend and her family is preferable to Bella because Charlie and Renee certainly do not pay as much as attention as she deserves.
then comes Edward whose is full of angst that he was turned into a an immortal against his consent and still unable to assimilate his troubles even after having 100 years at his disposal. i have to say i don’t understand his problem. he is in peace with Carlisle but not his immortality? he feels rudderless but he was present during some revolutionary women empowerment movement, so handling Bella as if she is a porcelain, dumb, baby like object gets him off? and to top it off, surrounded by ostensibly exemplary example of equal partnership of Renee and Carlisle, so why is he so distressed?
knowing all this, his obsessive and isolating behavior with Bella looks nothing short of a disaster going to happen. and he really has no excuse or background to even explain.
e l James must have released this problem because she does some things right of the bat
  • made sure christian has human reasons to be distressed and his obsessive behavior. his parasomnia and night-terrors as well his deep-rooted self-loathing were effectively used for..
  • a pedophile Elena to pounce on a 15 year old christian. the united states law being so ambiguous  on BDSM , it makes more sense that christian is effectively isolated by Elena from his family, peers, any guiding figure( especially when he paid to get trained in BDSM clubs)
  •  his sexual interaction after that even was carefully controlled by Elena( she used to introduce new submissives to christian) so that nobody  can really understand and question him on their clinical relationship.
  • anastasia being a virgin , though sound very outdated and  sexist, does make sense so that we as an uninformed readers and Anastasia will be more willing to explore on why christian is so disturbing.

hence, in my next part, i will explain on how these factors make christian far more redeemable and understandable than his original outline.


mercifully absent from fifty shades movie…yet.

those who watched the movie of the same title fifty shades of grey , must be in a state of “ignorance is bliss” because they are missing such wonderfully, idiotic phrases and pitfall ideas from the internal monologue from anastasia.

without much further ado …

“hangs from his hips”

what does that even suppose to mean?? my best guess was at first that they are supposed to highlight how hot christian looks with his chiseled hip!? i am confused.   then i looked at it some more and then it looked even more absurd. keep repeating-HANG, FROM, HIS, HIPS. she does not not notice our hunky hero’s bicep or tri-cep or broad shoulders-leading me to believe he does have any- but hip! this is the most absurd thing anyone has ever noticed and that it was before their coffee date. then mercifully she notices those but only after he take off his shirt after sleeping with her-proving what a slow synapse, dullard she is. which Dakota does not need to add in her notes, whew!



despite the abs, if someone comes in front of me wearing pants there! i don’t think anybody will be impressed. what were we all thinking finding this sexy?



“inner goddess”

we first meet this absurd, dance master psyche of anastasia  when christian kisses her.not her! this inner goddess but Anastasia! i know you are confused how they are related but i assure the only way to her location is not so very helpful- “my very small…” so she is smaller than her and our first schizophreniac imaginary friend-like foster’s home for imaginary friends  but weirder and with more sex. basically she likes anything and everything with sex, thinking be damn! she is very boring in respect to her schizo sister……


oh man but she is snarky! and so awesome she always harps exactly what a fool anastasia is, ironically being a product of that stupid brain herself. maybe that is why ana does not bother to name her beyond subconscious , like, snarky mistress or harpy maniac or -keeping with Ana’s love for old British literature- Lady Pompadour!.even anastasia admits such a wonderful part is so underused- not keeping with warnings about potential rapists and gun attacks.”try to be cool, Ana”- see ! what wonderful ideas she has! like that is even possible for ana.     assure you in all seriousness s.he is the gold mine of comedy, with once in a while ore in it.

“orange juice”

thirst quenching, refreshing, and the most holy as well, considering it is called divine over and over.enough said! Bad Books Good Times, you get all the credit for this.


this is a personal peeve of mine on how this svelte characters, as they progress the novel become more svelte to my bewilderment.why you ask? i mean how the hell they manage to loose weight and make abs drinking 2-3 cups/ glasses of wine at minimum? it escalates to 5-10 glasses of one form of wine or cock-tail or other. from a student who never got drunk to a women who is on the verge of being drunk everyday this is a lot of constitution progress. i might as well mention they don’t eat much chicken as well, instead they opt for fish all the time.which i hate.i hate fish!

damn you!


i have decided that from now on i will post on my blog on a timely manner and not this haphazard schedule i have been from this week i will post weekly with 1 post each week on Saturday. i will talk about what i am already talking about , that is, fifty shades and the hilarity associated with it( and then we will move on to Gabriel’s inferno series)-which is why it is a bad book i guess 😉 and yay for me! 😀


fifty shades of stupid situations :-P

chapter 1

“i scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror.damn my hair-it just won’t behave,…”

okay so, this has to be the most idiotic opening line of any book whatsoever, what do we infer from this? yeah, our heroine is frustrated and cursing the world for making her look stupid.

I must not sleep with it wet.I must not sleep with it wet.Reciting this mantra several times, i attempt,once more, to bring it under control with the brush.”

oh golly, she is going to pontificate on it for so long as the first paragraph and we are now cheerfully informed that this girl is from the first world otherwise who cares about frizzy hair now? #firstworldproblems. also we need to know how is she going

to bring control.

on her hair.

with her.brush.( did you see what i did there? 😉 ..foreshadowing)

Kate is my roommate, and she has chosen today of all days to succumb to the flu….. As an exceptional entrepreneur and major benefactor of our University, his time is extraordinarily precious – much more precious than mine – but he has granted Kate an interview. A real coup, she tells me. Damn her extra-curricular activities. ….. Only for you, Kate, would I do this. 

she curses her friend hell and back for being ill, for being a in a leadership role in college and then does a complete 180° and gives us the cheesy line that she will waste her time for her. we understand, your inner monologue are not to be taken seriously. thanks for the heads up!( it also explains her future schizophrenia with naming and making her subconscious tut and dance. 😛 )

seriously though it has been three pages and only thing we could gather about her here is that Anastasia hates her hair wet during sleep, hates getting her time wasted, going for a interview she cannot bother to open Wikipedia for research and has a dear friend and roomie Kate ( full name yet unknown -_- )

“Excuse me one moment, Miss Steele.” She arches her eyebrow slightly as I stand selfconsciously before her. I am beginning to wish I’d borrowed one of Kate’s formal blazers rather than wear my navy blue jacket. I have made an effort and worn my one and only skirt, my sensible brown knee-length boots and a blue sweater. For me, this is smart. I tuck one of the escaped tendrils of my hair behind my ear as I pretend she doesn’t intimidate me

cardigan and shabby skirt at an office area which she knew is a real coup to get interview for and could not bother to go in her friend’s closet? if this is smart, then i do not want to know what she finds silly and this is a clear nod to fan-fiction roots #nodtostephenie meyer . and a immaculate looking receptionist looking at her funny is intimidating huh? okay so now we know Steele has low tolerance for freaking out, what will she do when she is will be put through many more miss professional power dressers in this office? freak some more of course.

I’ve never been comfortable with one-on-one interviews, preferring the anonymity of a group discussion where I can sit inconspicuously at the back of the room.

well that is not how group discussion works Miss cardigan-is-smart-in-business Steele.( kill me now, this chapter has already provides us with three instances of freak-ery from this girl 😛 )

I push open the door and stumble through, tripping over my own feet, and falling head first into the office. Double crap –

#nodtostepheniemeyer part-2.when is anything going to happen in this chapter, god! this book will take forever to tear through 😦

“Um. Actually–” I mutter. If this guy is over thirty then I’m a monkey’s uncle. In a daze, I place my hand in his and we shake. As our fingers touch, I feel an odd exhilarating shiver run through me. I withdraw my hand hastily, embarrassed. Must be static. I blink rapidly, my eyelids matching my heart rate.

are we all supposed to find this blikny-blik-blink routine heart-stopping? serisously, this book is always asking for too much

okay, i will concede for only pinkie pie!


see you soon for next chapter. buh-bye!

“jacobs”- why they irk me.

before diving right in the meat of the title i would like to say i am sorry; my hilarious commentary on fifty shades is being delayed by three more days because i blew through my net allowance pack by watching too many iisuperwomanii and screen junkies on YouTube! i know i am so selfish please don’t be mad 😦  …i do not want to risk my full fledged commentaries on the capricious nature of oldy-slow internet so i am doing a short follow up on my previous post .

the basic reason on why these “jacobs” irritate me to no end is quite simple and might be complicated to some people. i mean what is wrong with a female character having a male Mr friend zone? but here is the deal- all those damsels having a male friend in the guise of torch bearer, just seems to drive the point of women-men friendship sanctity in question and it is a big deal for me. my father had a transferable army job and the only constant i ever had was the love of my parents and friendship of some of the most amazing kids ( now grown-ups) i ever had the fortune to meet. girls, guys, teachers, lab assistants and many more, i realize the preciousness of it.

but then comes these whose only motivation to be such a great friend to our brown haired damsels is that they secretly nurse a crush on her just undermines their friendship. already the “bellas” have few to no friends whatsoever and then the only best friend who is good to them has romance and sexual attractions as their primary driving force behind their relationships puts a whole level of misogynistic concepts into recollection- women in many small or big backward society   still could not mingle with men from the outside because of this patriarchal notion of women “tempting men to sin”. Victorian period, especially early ones,  noted to have women and men and separate compartments even to the extent of marriage companionship( men in cigar rooms, women in parlor and nursery . two separate bedchambers for the elitist and rich)

now some might say, just one or two instances in some popular romance cannot imprint such a radical notion on our psyche and i am myself, advocate this idea that just because some idea of derogation( patriarchy, misogyny, elitism, classicism,fanaticism and so on…)  is there it does not mean it is endorsed or it could create such disconcerting implications.

but then i look at how those brown-haired girls have no other valuable companionship ( man or women) other than “Jacobs” .  emotional struggle from other relationship has token to zero value on page- bella from twilight struggles between Jacob and Edward and not her human life and vampire world.many recent romances like beautiful disaster series and fifty shades series and so on, have this problem.friendship, familial love, love of a different life seems to be missing and ,in my opinion, stephenie Meyer’s twilight series is the worst and a picture perfect example of this. e l James at least nips the bud quite early and clearly even if this bella/ana has her friend kate taken away to Barbados and has half page dialogue a whole book later( not bad but could have done better and passed the Bechdel test)

so i ask all writers of romance and other affiliated genre’s out there, why can’t a heroine have a dedicated male friend whose primary motivation is not love/sex? why can’t he feel passionately protective unless she is beautiful and frail to him? why can’t a lady have a strong friendship with someone who is a man and does not have bi-sexual, gay stereotype hanged around him( yes, i am looking at you Sylvia Day) ? why does the “bellas” in question have to be so damnably immature/stupid or plain ass as to “use” those “jacobs” so as to those Jacobs now have “legitimate” reason to insidiously make their pass at them? why can’t you all stop being so misogynistic?

PS: Sylvain Reynard recently scored my brownie point by making her eponymous heroine Raven have friend who is not at all interested to be “more” and his name is Patrick. as of yet Reynard’s florentine series has one book left, so let us see 😉

my commentary series on fifty shades series!

do keep coming for my soon to be published series of commentaries( hilarious and otherwise 😛 ) on chapters of the first book of the world-famous fifty shades series!

i cannot do it right away since i will be away for a week since i have exams on sociology. therefore, i am posting it so you could be assured that i am not running away anywhere 😀


see ya soon…