INGREDIENTS FOR A PERFECTLY INSANE TWILIGHT CRAP BOOK.

i hereby name thee “the twilight-spawn”!!!!!!!!!!! drum-rolls please.

1. you need a first person POV , preferably a girl who is totally under-confident and has no qualities which she admires herself let alone others. mix in the fact her lips are super soft without lip balm and with what with the constant attempt to chew it, all non-toddler qualities ( no offence to toddlers).she can be all frail-looking, brown-haired, pale and petite although you could change it to curvy, blonde and short just so your rip-off does not become too obvious, oh no! we cannot be caught getting inspired by fan-fiction!

2. you need a super-hero of a hero who is so beautiful to look upon that even our allegedly super talented protagonist fails to describe him as anything less than “beautiful” without much attention to any specific detail. he should have dark hair, any unusual eye-color with stupid adjective and should be a complete and utter “charming” jerk. by some miracle our alleged lady loves him even when he does nothing but stop being a jerk fora while. what a super-power! P.S: he should definitely have some emotional baggage as well<- relevance and common sense may or may not apply.

3. our hero should have loads of money by any means necessary. nothing short of billionaire before 30 won’t do. it helps them being a jerk and a stalker without getting a restraining order you see..

4. our alleged smart heroine should also have an awesome job right away even though we see her do nothing at all to help her get it . wearing the designer closet and thousand dollars accessory courtesy Adonis( or filthy rich parents+ Adonis in case you wanna roll like  Sylvia Day)and then again doing nothing at all while she is at it. we only hear their boss singing a ballad in ode to our lady’s awesomeness! what tough life she lives #tears

Originally posted by weirdlifewelead

5. a tall skyscraper of building for our Adonis is a non-negotiable! he can have it as an office or as a place to own and live but he has to have at least one with super-sonic speed remote controlled, futuristic elevator banks. an allusion to his manhood *wink*

Originally posted by merryonette

6. our lady should have a snazzy best friend to rant her life-pain to, who may or may not be gay/bi-sexual, should be more promiscuous than our lady (just in case you decide to fore-go virginity clause for her) or even that can be optional if you go all Sylvian Reynard and make do with just…

Originally posted by katekavanaughgrey

7. a “jacob-paul-jose-brett” combo who is a stick figure with whom our Adonis fights with like a chew toy over our lady as trophy and on whom our lady cries out her heart-pain like he is a frikin’ pillow.he has to be a special kind of jerk too- you know, the one is more patronizing than anyone when rejection and friendzone looms nearby? that kind. he can or cannot be a P.O.C.

Originally posted by shirtlessmalecelebrities

8. Adonis should definitely have a family who is totes approving of our Lady no matter how little time she has spent with them and are deliriously happy that our Lady has made their beast of  boy so happy and manageable -not admitting parent-failure at their part and speaking of parenting failure, our Lady should also have lousy parents as well, who in some way or the other, are responsible for our Lady to choose a jerk and marry him.( whoops! spoiler to soon)

Originally posted by charliesswan

9. the tension in this formula-book should come from an antagonist who has no other job but to rip our star-crossed lovers apart! how awful!jumped out of the painful past of our Adonis so that our adonis can conquer it and becomes a better man ❤

10. last but definitely not the least, the final garnish should be marriage and babies with money( which our Lady will insist does not want but won’t donate to charity either)

Originally posted by dreamworksanimation

tada! best serve one after the other with a complimentary movie and/or television production which you can control and micro-manage 😀