Renly Baratheon and Loras Tyrell-or should we say Edward II and Gaveston?

while doing drama section of my part-II section of Calcutta university, i had Christopher’s Marlowe’s scandalous ( of his time) copy of Edward the second to write five major critical essays for my yearly exam and i thought “ it feels like i saw something similar in game of thrones! lol”

i guess my mind finally deigned to make that connection 1 year later. oh no!

Gaveston is introduced to us in this 1594 play as vagrant, flamboyant favorite of the newly crowned Edward the second whose sole aim right now is to “ be the favorit of a king[?]” , to impress him with expensive masques and shows and basically employ boys to show their parts which “men enjoy” and to “draw the plaint king”, so that he could climb the social ladder and then has affair with the king’s niece. whereas, the poor Edward battles the wrath of his barons and snubs his increasingly despondent queen Isabella( thanks again to Gaveston’s rumors which he spreads through the king’s protection) all for his love for Gaveston. basically he is a blackguard whose love caused a good king’s horrific and tragic end in Marlowe’s play and then he himself dies at the hands of those homophobic , snobby barons.

these gems!:

My father is deceast, come Gaveston,’
‘And share the kingdom with thy deerest friend.
Ah words that make me surfet with delight:
What greater blisse can hap to Gaveston,
Then live and be the favorit of a king?
Sweete prince I come, these these thy amorous lines,
Might have enforst me to have swum from France,
And like Leander gaspt upon the sande,
So thou wouldst smile and take me in thy armes
.”- act 1 scene i

and then…:

Baldock
Tis like enough, for since he was exild,
She neither walkes abroad, nor comes in sight:
But I had thought the match had beene broke off,
And that his banishment had changd her minde.

Spencer
Our Ladies first love is not wavering,
My life for thine she will have Gaveston.- act 2 scene i 

so much for true love!

then we have this flowery Renly ‘knight of THE flowers” (whatever that supposed to mean) who goads Renly “not-traumatized-by-parent’s-death” Baratheon to be a good king over and over by the power of blow-job sorcery. Renly the good and naive then breaks every succession law on land makes a bid for the iron throne and dies at the shadow-hand of Stannis and Melisandre’s evil shadow baby. but how to show that Renly was so not worth this horrific end?? how to overcome GRRM’s timeline in which rely dies before his “ Gaveston”?oh of course! make him a dumb, whiny, lace-loving stereotype who eye-fucks Oberyn and gives his feather bed plenty of exercise with Olyver. then make him a prisoner of faith Taliban( thank you @wendynerdwrites for the term). he would probably die because of some homophobic, snobby religious people now.  yay! problem solved, DAN and DAVID successfully adapted Marlowe’s not so famous play and nobody sniffed it.

freakin’ liars, cannot even make an original disaster.

P.S: cover photo of the play is taken from amazon.com.

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INGREDIENTS FOR A PERFECTLY INSANE TWILIGHT CRAP BOOK.

i hereby name thee “the twilight-spawn”!!!!!!!!!!! drum-rolls please.

1. you need a first person POV , preferably a girl who is totally under-confident and has no qualities which she admires herself let alone others. mix in the fact her lips are super soft without lip balm and with what with the constant attempt to chew it, all non-toddler qualities ( no offence to toddlers).she can be all frail-looking, brown-haired, pale and petite although you could change it to curvy, blonde and short just so your rip-off does not become too obvious, oh no! we cannot be caught getting inspired by fan-fiction!

2. you need a super-hero of a hero who is so beautiful to look upon that even our allegedly super talented protagonist fails to describe him as anything less than “beautiful” without much attention to any specific detail. he should have dark hair, any unusual eye-color with stupid adjective and should be a complete and utter “charming” jerk. by some miracle our alleged lady loves him even when he does nothing but stop being a jerk fora while. what a super-power! P.S: he should definitely have some emotional baggage as well<- relevance and common sense may or may not apply.

3. our hero should have loads of money by any means necessary. nothing short of billionaire before 30 won’t do. it helps them being a jerk and a stalker without getting a restraining order you see..

4. our alleged smart heroine should also have an awesome job right away even though we see her do nothing at all to help her get it . wearing the designer closet and thousand dollars accessory courtesy Adonis( or filthy rich parents+ Adonis in case you wanna roll like  Sylvia Day)and then again doing nothing at all while she is at it. we only hear their boss singing a ballad in ode to our lady’s awesomeness! what tough life she lives #tears

Originally posted by weirdlifewelead

5. a tall skyscraper of building for our Adonis is a non-negotiable! he can have it as an office or as a place to own and live but he has to have at least one with super-sonic speed remote controlled, futuristic elevator banks. an allusion to his manhood *wink*

Originally posted by merryonette

6. our lady should have a snazzy best friend to rant her life-pain to, who may or may not be gay/bi-sexual, should be more promiscuous than our lady (just in case you decide to fore-go virginity clause for her) or even that can be optional if you go all Sylvian Reynard and make do with just…

Originally posted by katekavanaughgrey

7. a “jacob-paul-jose-brett” combo who is a stick figure with whom our Adonis fights with like a chew toy over our lady as trophy and on whom our lady cries out her heart-pain like he is a frikin’ pillow.he has to be a special kind of jerk too- you know, the one is more patronizing than anyone when rejection and friendzone looms nearby? that kind. he can or cannot be a P.O.C.

Originally posted by shirtlessmalecelebrities

8. Adonis should definitely have a family who is totes approving of our Lady no matter how little time she has spent with them and are deliriously happy that our Lady has made their beast of  boy so happy and manageable -not admitting parent-failure at their part and speaking of parenting failure, our Lady should also have lousy parents as well, who in some way or the other, are responsible for our Lady to choose a jerk and marry him.( whoops! spoiler to soon)

Originally posted by charliesswan

9. the tension in this formula-book should come from an antagonist who has no other job but to rip our star-crossed lovers apart! how awful!jumped out of the painful past of our Adonis so that our adonis can conquer it and becomes a better man ❤

10. last but definitely not the least, the final garnish should be marriage and babies with money( which our Lady will insist does not want but won’t donate to charity either)

Originally posted by dreamworksanimation

tada! best serve one after the other with a complimentary movie and/or television production which you can control and micro-manage 😀

“jacobs”- why they irk me.

before diving right in the meat of the title i would like to say i am sorry; my hilarious commentary on fifty shades is being delayed by three more days because i blew through my net allowance pack by watching too many iisuperwomanii and screen junkies on YouTube! i know i am so selfish please don’t be mad 😦  …i do not want to risk my full fledged commentaries on the capricious nature of oldy-slow internet so i am doing a short follow up on my previous post .

the basic reason on why these “jacobs” irritate me to no end is quite simple and might be complicated to some people. i mean what is wrong with a female character having a male Mr friend zone? but here is the deal- all those damsels having a male friend in the guise of torch bearer, just seems to drive the point of women-men friendship sanctity in question and it is a big deal for me. my father had a transferable army job and the only constant i ever had was the love of my parents and friendship of some of the most amazing kids ( now grown-ups) i ever had the fortune to meet. girls, guys, teachers, lab assistants and many more, i realize the preciousness of it.

but then comes these whose only motivation to be such a great friend to our brown haired damsels is that they secretly nurse a crush on her just undermines their friendship. already the “bellas” have few to no friends whatsoever and then the only best friend who is good to them has romance and sexual attractions as their primary driving force behind their relationships puts a whole level of misogynistic concepts into recollection- women in many small or big backward society   still could not mingle with men from the outside because of this patriarchal notion of women “tempting men to sin”. Victorian period, especially early ones,  noted to have women and men and separate compartments even to the extent of marriage companionship( men in cigar rooms, women in parlor and nursery . two separate bedchambers for the elitist and rich)

now some might say, just one or two instances in some popular romance cannot imprint such a radical notion on our psyche and i am myself, advocate this idea that just because some idea of derogation( patriarchy, misogyny, elitism, classicism,fanaticism and so on…)  is there it does not mean it is endorsed or it could create such disconcerting implications.

but then i look at how those brown-haired girls have no other valuable companionship ( man or women) other than “Jacobs” .  emotional struggle from other relationship has token to zero value on page- bella from twilight struggles between Jacob and Edward and not her human life and vampire world.many recent romances like beautiful disaster series and fifty shades series and so on, have this problem.friendship, familial love, love of a different life seems to be missing and ,in my opinion, stephenie Meyer’s twilight series is the worst and a picture perfect example of this. e l James at least nips the bud quite early and clearly even if this bella/ana has her friend kate taken away to Barbados and has half page dialogue a whole book later( not bad but could have done better and passed the Bechdel test)

so i ask all writers of romance and other affiliated genre’s out there, why can’t a heroine have a dedicated male friend whose primary motivation is not love/sex? why can’t he feel passionately protective unless she is beautiful and frail to him? why can’t a lady have a strong friendship with someone who is a man and does not have bi-sexual, gay stereotype hanged around him( yes, i am looking at you Sylvia Day) ? why does the “bellas” in question have to be so damnably immature/stupid or plain ass as to “use” those “jacobs” so as to those Jacobs now have “legitimate” reason to insidiously make their pass at them? why can’t you all stop being so misogynistic?

PS: Sylvain Reynard recently scored my brownie point by making her eponymous heroine Raven have friend who is not at all interested to be “more” and his name is Patrick. as of yet Reynard’s florentine series has one book left, so let us see 😉

the “jacobs and pauls” phenomenon.

let me tell you the truth. i came across the popular “romance” novel through  newspaper article on a Sunday morning, ages ago, extolling about the sudden rage in sales of books with explicit content. what was different this time was that the conventional media was not afraid to talk about it without any moral preaching and even discussed some more future projects in which classics like “pride and prejudice” and “Jane Eyre” will get those similar make-over to attract the readers and increase the sales. that was how i came across these three- TWILIGHT, FIFTY SHADES OF GREY and GABRIEL’S INFERNO.

 

the most curious observation is the prominent fixture of a male-figure( they are not much of  a character) who is there for our plain as a day heroine( brown-haired, petite and pale!) for anything and everything. no really! they are her best friend and are willing to slide into the role of boyfriend in a snap of a finger, and are willing to be perfectly friendly even if ( inevitably ) our Mary sue-z will reject his romantic attention for someone else. i mean, we noticed the whole debate of “team Edward” versus “team Jacob” t-shirts and opinion polls everywhere. and Stephanie Meyer kick started this phenomenon in Y A literature , as well as many more genre which touches romance. i cannot even say that she might be the first one but she unwittingly repeated what has already happened in the first known novel in the history of English literature PAMELA by Samuel Richardson. here, Richardson has more of stick figure of a Jacob in 1740 called Mr. Williams( like a cave painting. very crude. get it? no? oh well 😛 ). Mr. Williams is trying to find someone to save our eponymous heroine from her captivity ( yes, you read correctly and not to mention the author is clear that this is a women whose virtue will be rewarded by her kidnapper. happy ending!)

 

MILD TO RUTHLESS SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO STILL HAVE NOT READ THESE “GEMS”.

i guess i should start with the most baffling, condescending and idiotic of the trio of “Jacobs” – i present you Paul Norris. a notorious rabbit lover and cow enthusiast ( but not a PETA enthusiastic mind you) ; who promptly categorizes  women in petting zoo animal- he nicknamed our mary sue “rabbit” after his first day of college seminar.the guys is fast!.he is also, what i have observed in Pamela, is a victim of instant-noodle style affection:

[…] I should think myself but too happy, if I might be accepted. […] Don’t think this a sudden resolution. […] the moment I saw you, [I] wished to serve so much excellence.”-Pamela.

“…, [Paul] knew, without doubt, that he would do anything to keep someone from hurting her. Even if it meant his academic career. Even if it meant dragging Emerson out behind the Department of Italian Studies and giving him the serious ass kicking that he and his pretentious posterior so richly deserved.” -Gabriel’s Inferno Sylvain Reynolds. do note that he is apparently ready to railroad his life after meeting our heroine and knowing her for about  five days. woah! clingy much?

he is just ready to take brunt of anger on our heroine-Julianne’s, behalf from his irate thesis doctorate supervisor but also keeps calling her “little rabbit” just because he feels that or heroine is frail and spooks easily like an animal( he might be right considering , how many times she judges people on casual sexual assignations and feels “ill” and “disgusted”…but full discussion on Julianne Mitchell in future 😉 ). he is also into respecting Julia’s boundaries of relationship unless it is with men he considers beneath his standards.he feels BDSM is disgusting since his personal motto is “lovers should be gentle with each other” and ” ..should care enough to respect them and not treat them as objects” ( that is a great piece of advice really. yay!) and also be “..careful and never , ever hurt them. even if they’re fucked up enough to beg you to”-wait! whaa..at?. yes you read this right, he ( and probably the author as well) feels those who enjoy pain in their sex life are not right in their mental capacity or else why would they ask for it? there no other text reference to say that Reynolds is being objective here but he is not because everyone agrees with him :-/  .in the text.  all this is not even in a casual conversation , in a relaxed, candid environment but whispering right next to Julia while making puppy face and promptly making me and Julia uncomfortable.the one and only redeeming quality our writer seems to have infused in Paul is that like a self-respecting gentleman, he realizes he could be a potential nuisance in the life of julia after she dangles with his romantic aspirations by kissing him( knowing all the while she is still pining after her lost lover), so he drops contacts to mere acquaintance-level when she leaves and marries away and asks him to be friend( the dreaded friend-zone, not once but twice.)

the next in line is our eponymous Jacob black!. a normal teenager , who was perfectly nice and was a sweet friend to our heroine Isabella swan. things take for a dive when he develops feelings for her and our depressed heroine( numbed after her forced separation with Edward) does nothing much to dissuade him from his futile torch bearing except for a token warning once on how she will be never be good enough for him( poor you, idiot) instead of saying that i might never like you. sheesh  :-/  .to top off all the pain on this guy, meyer steps up and makes him a werewolf who hates his “ancient enemy” aka vampires who is also the chosen one of our virtuous Bella.

Jacob_Black2

the face of spare-love-interest of this decade people.

so what does our Jacob do? will he leave Bella alone? will he respect her choices? will he stop being an ass to Bella and just tussle with Edward alone??…………no! of course not silly you!. i think very few people notice that however problematic and an icon of domestic abuser Edward Cullen is, Jacob Black is also an emblem of those guys we fall for during our teenage years. he is into bikes, uses his good credentials to take us away on adventures and is sometimes a surrogate brother but he also can be a bully, a condescending menace and just plain assaulter- do remember he forces to kiss Bella not once but twice in ECLIPSE and the disturbing thing is no one on text names it anything more than being “forward”. he also hangs around our Bella until someone from Edward’s side does something to make him punch them and finally(!) Meyer throws a mutant-baby at him to make a Mormon ending of it.

i am saving the last and the least( no, really he has the least of all figure making material compared to even stick-figure Mr. William!)  Jose Rodriguez, who has frankly the most unoriginal Hispanic name  and also takes after his literary inspiration Jacob black in terms of sexual assault.sometimes, i feel e l James is being intentionally sarcastic towards Meyer and twilight. take our (jacob-3) Jose for example, where Meyer just stops caring about sexual assault by Jacob and makes Bella confess love to him( which is “less than Edward”.phew!), James on the other hand makes sure anastasia does not give a dime about his intentions lest we gullible readers find a way to stick up to Jose ( you know a “team Jose!” mania won’t help 😛 ) .he is there just so we could see how naive and low self-esteemed our Ana is , and what an idiotic, jealous, teenager-adult christian is and makes sure by the conclusion of the series , christian is nothing but gentleman to him by talking about manly sports such as fishing.he really has no purpose of himself except for serving as a token diverse friend in the book along with Ana’s best friend Katherine Kavanagh-my favorite, she is.

so the conclusion is………watch out for william-jacob-jose-paul because they end up in the plot just to decrease the grey matter in the heroine’s brain, so they can waffle with their torch (which “jacobs” burn for them) and create a lame tension in the love affair.they have a penchant for insta-luv and seems to have no idea of boundaries when their place is finally relegated in the friend zone.they also hammer in the fact that a guy and girl can never be great friends with each other unless he turns out to be gay or bisexual(offensive? YES!) they serve sometimes as a punching bag for our hero and a crying shoulder when our heroine is alone and sometimes, exceptionally , manage to become the central of attention( Peeta from HUNGER GAMES anyone? but only after he managed to become condescending and manipulative in comparison to the good ol’ Gale .of course Katniss will dump Gale  :-/ ). beware!

fifty shades of …victimization.

browsing across the world of internet and my favorite pass time of checking out what trolls are saying, i came across this idea, floating swiftly among the mainstream, that Anastasia steel in fifty shades series is a victim, is a passive player, is a pushover and god knows what not.i was like, what!?people are really combining gone by tropes with the text and result is not pretty.
let us recapitulate shall we?
Anastasia Rose Steele is a character who was inspired by Isabella Marie Swan of the extremely popular twilight series.written as a fan-fiction, she later got her own name when e l James copy of the fan-fiction was picked up by the writer’s coffee shop  publishing house to print it as an independent manuscript.the publishers clearly wanted to separate it’s origins as titillating unoriginal story from it’s current well liked status.

Ana starts off being quite similar to Bella. described as clumsy, awkward, not much of a fashion connoisseur with no sexual interest till now with similar physical looks except for striking blue eyes.however that is where the similarities end.unlike Bella, Ana though might not be comfortable in her physique is quite self-aware of her expectations and wants in her life.she does not just drifts along the state of affairs as she likes us to believe.she has plans and goals just beyond graduation and has multiple career goals.

Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me.  Perhaps I’ve spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high.  But in reality, nobody’s ever made me feel like that. Until very recently,

 

[Ana]“Hey, I have interviews! The week after next, in Seattle, for intern placements!” [Kate]“For which publishing house?”
[Ana]“For both of them!”
[Kate]“I told you your GPA would open doors, Ana.”
Kate, of course, already has an internship set up at the Seattle Times.  Her father knows someone, who knows someone.

her expectations from christian was conventional but it was started to appease her own curiosity about him, to fulfill her desire for sexual intimacy after finally feeling ready.it was all  all ABOUT HER.what she desires , her initiative, her decision

Please, let’s do this… otherwise we’ll end up alone with lots of cats and your classic novels to keep you company

…The only man I’ve ever been attracted to, and he comes with a bloody contract, a flogger, and a whole world of issues
..  Well, at least I got my way this weekend.  My inner goddess stops jumping and smiles serenely.

Am I submissive?  Maybe I come across that way.  Maybe I misled him in the interview.  I’m shy, yes… but submissive?  I let Kate bully me – is that the same?  And those soft limits, jeez.  My mind boggles, but I’m reassured that they are up for discussion.

as for people who are thinking this is a romance, you only need to read this quote to to see that: Anastasia is completely aware that what christian wants is not conventional and he HAS ISSUES which needs to be resolved and needs consideration while thinking about his offer, she needs to decide whether after the no strings first night, does she really want to take up more immersion in his BDSM sexual lifestyle?
clearly she is reassured that she can and will decide after discussion and will have time to think about it.this is why even after witnessing some distressing things  (playroom “red room of pain”)for the first time in her history, she does not balk that much because christian has always reassured her as well as her own curiosity and open mind.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You know that don’t you?” [christian]
“I’d never do anything I didn’t want to do, Christian.” [Ana]

just before opening his playroom

[christian]“You can leave anytime.  The helicopter is on stand-by to take you whenever you want to go, you can stay the night and go home in the morning.  It’s fine whatever you decide.”
[Ana]“Just open the damn door, Christian.”

like many people out there the idea of so much submission horrifies and repulse her at some point.

My mouth presses in a hard line.  This is what I cannot reconcile.  Kind, caring Christian, who rescues me from inebriation and holds me gently while I’m throwing up into the azaleas, and the monster who possesses whips and chains in a special room.

My head is buzzing.  How can I possibly agree to all this?  And apparently it’s for my benefit, to explore my sensuality, my limits – safely – oh please!  I scoff angrily.  Serve and obey in all things.  All Things!  I shake my head in disbelief.  Actually, doesn’t the marriage ceremony use those words… obey?

but she still has desire and curiosity to know more about it and she does find it desirable(at least on paper)

Do I really want this stuff in my head?  Jeez – is this what he gets up to in the Red Room of Pain?  I sit staring at the screen, and part of me, a very moist and integral part of me – that I’ve only become acquainted with very recently, is seriously turned on.  Oh my, some of this stuff is HOT.  But is it for me?

Anastasia’s desire and intents are just as important and worth mentioning.she has her doubts and misgivings given what she knows of his history with sex and some inkling into his childhood trauma.when christian tells he that being a submissive in his control is a kind of therapy which she tries to assimilate to what she knows. isn’t what every normal girlfriend does?get to know her boyfriend?
lots of time James/ Ana surprisingly dwell little on the growing desire for the BDSM lifestyle Anastasia has and her struggle to assimilate the idea within her.instead she becomes more of a lens to see christian when we should have dwell on her.

“Maybe.  Perhaps I should be stricter with you.” He cocks his head to one side and gives me an artful smile. I swallow.  Jeez, no.  But at the same time, my muscles clench deliciously deep inside.  It is his way of showing that he cares….

and this is one of the reasons readers fail to pick up on the hints that maybe Anastasia started  in this arrangement because of her desire to be with christian but she comes to desire some aspects of it for herself too.